Just the facts, ma'am.

After reading several friends' blog postings today, I've decided that mine are decidedly boring (p.s. I always feel slightly like a stalker when getting caught up on someones personal life, even if they are a friend).  I thought about this for a while and determined that my postings are akin to a police report...the facts and circumstances are there, but there is no emotion!  Now, my husband will be the first to tell you that I am a very emotional person (example, I almost always cry when seeing someone get engaged...even the Kay Jewelers commercials) so I found it odd that my own musings are so devoid of emotive adjectives.  I have a wide vocabulary and am not afraid to use it - especially when telling stories.  Furthermore, I've just had a baby, and I can't think of a more emotional time in my life...talk about a roller coaster (poor Jimmy).

I decided that my apparent penchant for recording just the relevant facts and associated circumstances is a byproduct of being an auditor. "Why is that?" you say?  Well, a little known fact about auditors is that they all secretly wanted to major in English instead of Accounting. "Really?"  No, not really.  However, I find that I do far far more writing as an auditor than I ever imagined (with no hints from the professorial staff at Texas A&M...thanks a lot!).  There are process narratives, technical memos, non-technical memos, review notes, responses to review notes...the list goes on and on.  Basically, my entire day consists of observing things and writing down those observations for posterity (okay, maybe just the SEC).  To make matters worse, the observations come after looking at schedules full of numbers.  You ask, "How much can you say about numbers?"  Surprisingly, quite a bit!  But what you don't say about numbers is how they make you feel.  I don't remember the last time I got warm fuzzies when writing or reading a memo at work.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have a LOT of feelings about what I do, my clients, the schedules they give me, the endless meetings I get to attend (hear that...get to attend...so funny!) but I can't exactly go putting those feelings on paper at work.  Most of them are good feelings, but I'll admit that between the hours of 10:00pm and Midnight (or later) those feelings start to get less positive.  Right now most of my feelings about work revolve around going back after 17 weeks of maternity leave (side note - EY has fabulous benefits for women).  After being "out of the loop" for so long I am worried about going back and getting back in the swing of things (p.s. I am a worrier...I know...I see your shocked face).  Obviously, my approach to work will not and can never be the same now that Mr. Nathaniel is in my life.  Before him, I am ashamed to say that work came a very close second after my marriage and frequently took first place in my life - usually for the months of January through the end of April when my two clients filed their reports with the SEC.  The only real positive that came from this is that I have consistently been a high performer and am compensated accordingly.  I am able to comfortably support my family while Jimmy finishes getting his PhD.  This is not to say that we are rolling around in beds of money, but I at least don't have to check the bank account before going to the grocery store...at least not very often : )

I'm sure that in the coming weeks I'll have quite a bit to say about being a working mommy in a suburb full of stay-at-home moms (not statistically true I'm sure, but it feels like it sometimes).  Feelings of inadequacy as a mother and jealousy toward the moms who get to be primary caregiver conflicting with the fulfillment of working at a job I love (75% of the time) and reminding myself that I never really wanted to be a full-time homemaker. It's amazing what a baby does to your life and priorities.  Anyway, all this to say that in my coming posts I'll put every effort into filling in the facts of my life with the related emotions!