It has been some time since mom left her flat computer out for me to type on. I see that my warnings from a year ago have not been heeded. In fact, through some audacious and unexpected move, your number have grown. I don't recall giving Mom and Dad permission to procure another one of you annoying creatures, but here you both sit. I'm sure it was all Mom's fault; females of your kind are sneaky like that.
Little human #1, you have so far successfully evaded my attempts to engineer an "accident" on the stairs. But as I said before, eventually Mom and Dad will let you go by yourself. ::Rubs paws together:: On an unrelated note, I don't need hugs from you. Ever.
I've tried to warn you in subtle ways of my dominance but you seem unusually dense. For example, I am not "playing" with those little Pom Pom balls you leave all over the place. I am ferociously mauling them as a clear foreshadowing of your own eventual fate. Be afraid!
Little human #2, I just don't know what to say. So far you seem harmless enough, but I know that will change. Mom has lifted the prohibition on us sleeping in her bedroom, but it is hardly worth it these days with you keeping us up half the night. This puts mom in a bad mood. She has even ceased to appreciate when I remind her that I can see the bottom of one food bowl during those night wakings. I've yet to decipher her mumblings, but they don't sound friendly. I place the blame squarely on your wiggly shoulders. I've tried to attempt to separate you from the herd, but mom keeps a pretty close eye on you.
I've decided that I'm going to have to focus on eliminating you one at a time because Joule and the flat faced diva are clearly not helping with my plans. In fact, I have even caught Joule playing with little human #1!!! I was appalled and promptly reprimanded her, but she's quick to forget these lessons. I feel it is only fair to give you these warnings, if only to make it more sporting for myself. My real hope is that you will leave on your own (take Mom with you), leaving me with Dad like the good ol' days.
Regards,
Steve (aka "Biggles")
p.s. next time mom aims a kick at me while I'm complaining loudly about the status of the food bowls, remind her that if she wants a quiet house she should stop bringing new little humans home. The new one cries to be fed and so will I (although it seems to work better for Little Human #2 than for me).
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