The Help

No, I'm not talking about the book/movie/made-for-tv-mini-series or whatever else they've come up with lately. I'm talking about my wonderful husband. Not just because he still tells me I'm beautiful and not because he spontaneously brought me roses yesterday, but because he is an absolutely wonderful daddy!

I recently discovered that my mom stayed home with me for 13 months before putting me in daycare and then I came back out approximately 2 1/2 years later for 15 months when she had Kelley. All this time Nathan was at school I had been consoling myself that my mom had gone back to work quickly and so I could too (illusions = shattered). Nevermind that my brother had to go to daycare at six weeks (can't EVEN imagine!) and he's perfectly fine (a freshman at A&M this year...brainwashing success!!!)...but I digress. At some point during this conversation we got to discussing how she basically took care of us all by herself out in the middle of nowhere. She didn't have any close mommy friends living nearby so there were no playdates or moms-day-out. My grandmother (her mom) was over an hour away as was my aunt. My dad was the typical breadwinner-type: go to work (usually out of town), come home, eat dinner, read the paper. The most interaction we got most days (that he was home) involved getting our kiss goodnight (which we got every night). This gave me new appreciation for the mommy's who don't have a hands-on husband or even any family nearby to help them with the kids. With the majority of our immediate family being 3 hours south, I completely understand how hard it is do take care of the first baby without your mommy (or mommy-in-law) here to help!

So that brings us to the amazing man I married. Somehow I managed to snatch up not only a wonderful, sweet and romantic husband (reference: roses mentioned above) but he is a terrific daddy to Mr. Nathaniel as well. From literally day 1 he has been changing diapers, holding and soothing our precious angel (insert less than fond memory of me almost fainting in the restroom the first night in the hospital while Jimmy holds 5 hour old baby and four nurses try to get me straightened out). He has been a huge help with keeping the house picked up, dishes washed (okay - loaded in the dishwasher, but it counts...bonus points if he remembered to turn it on!), changing the baby's diaper, "walking" him to sleep, getting dressed, reading books, playing and taking pictures. Basically, whatever I need him to do he will do (with only minor hesitation if it involves a thermometer or pouring water on Nathan's face). Come to think of it, I don't think he has ever taken Nathan's temperature, although he is always the first one to ask if "we" need to take it! But that is a very minor smear on an otherwise super record.

I simply can not imagine getting through those first weeks and months without my loving hubby. The physical and emotional support he provided, and continues to provide, really helped me make it through the sleeplessness and pain of recovery and new-mommy-hood. He continues to be an enormous help with Nathan. This child will never have to wonder if his daddy loves him! If given the chance, Jimmy will always rather hold Nathan than set him on his play mat or in his bouncer. They walk and talk and read and you can tell Nathan looks so secure wrapped in his daddy's arms.

So, thank you to my wonderful honey-bunny. You are the love of my life and an amazing daddy to our son. I love you with everything.

Milestones

Today was an eventful day in the Trevino household.  First, Nathan went all night long without getting up to nurse (bedtime at 8:00pm, good morning at 6:15am).  He still woke up at about 2:00am, but fell back asleep almost immediately after I gave him his pacifier.  You may be thinking, "Wow, Shelley, you must have felt great this morning!"....and you would be wrong.  After the 2:00am wake up, my eyes popped open approximately every hour waiting for him to get up and want to eat.  And believe me...I wanted him to get up and eat! Any breastfeeding mom will understand why.  He woke up at about his usual time and was his typical smiling self until he realized he was STARVING and started protesting that I was taking too long getting his diaper changed.  Luckily it wasn't anything the 'good morning song' couldn't fix. Everyone was much happier after breakfast!

Fast forward to this afternoon.  Nathan and I went upstairs to switch out the laundry (dryer to bed, wash to dryer, new load to wash).  As a side note, I am WAY behind on my laundry duties.  I know it's time to wash whites when Jimmy walks around wearing my socks.  Anyway, I put Nathan in his crib and turned on his sleep sheep to the whale sounds to keep him entertained for the two minutes it was going to take me to fix the laundry.  When I came back he was on his tummy!  This was the first time he rolled over by himself unassisted by Mom or Dad. The first thing I thought was, "Drats! I missed it!" On the other hand, I was pleased that I had at least seen this part of his milestone journey.  Almost every day that I am at work I wonder if he is going to start sitting up on his own, rolling over, crawling, walking or [fill in the milestone here] while he is at daycare.  It makes me sick to my stomach that the odds are I am going to miss these once in a lifetime events for my firstborn baby.  I guess every working parent, especially mommies, feels this way to some extent. The most upsetting thing for me is that busy season this year will fall in his 9 month to 1 year window...his most likely time to take his first steps and say those first words!  Jimmy will be experiencing single-parenthood for the most part during these months and I forsee myself with red, swollen eyes much of the time.  Okay, to prevent premature waterworks we are going to move with our story for the day...

I took Nathan to the pediatrician on Friday to get his weight checked out to make sure he was back on track gaining like he should after a slowdown when he first started school.  He weights 14 lbs 15 oz (27 inches) and his growth chart shows him back up where he should be (hooray!).  That meant we were cleared to start giving him rice cereal once a day to get him used to eating off a spoon.  So we got him strapped into his high chair and mixed up a tablespoon of rice cereal with formula.  The results were less than impressive.

Nathan didn't make one of those classic "this tastes terrible" baby faces, but it was close.  He furrowed his brow and smacked his lips together while pushing the cereal out with his tongue, all the while looking at us with those accusing eyes he has sometimes.  As if he was saying, "What is this nonsense all about!"  I can't say I blame him.  It was weak, watery stuff with no taste.  After a few minutes of no swallowing we gave up and we'll try again tomorrow.  Patience is a virtue!

The last event of the day was Mr. Nathan's first haircut.  I was of two minds about this event for sure!  We all know that Nathan was born with a lot of hair and subsequent photo evidence shows that he started losing it at about 3 months in patches.  The pieces that did not fall out were a lock on the top of his head that could be artfully combed over to cover up the thin spots as well as two thick whisps on either side of his precious head that curled behind his ears.  I spend most of my time holding him tucking those whips back and smoothing the hair on top, pretty much out of habit and not real necessity. 

I held Nathan in my lap and distracted him with a toy while "Barber Jim" did the honors.  The sad faces (me, not Nathan) started immediately and when Jimmy snipped off that first side whisp actual tears sprang into my eyes.  Some milestones just aren't that happy after all!  I guess it's that my baby looks more like a clean cut big boy after this little trim.  It isn't as if he got a buzz cut, but those long "baby" hairs are gone and my smoothing of his hair has less effect than it did before.  The end result does look really good (way to go Daddy) but it still makes me a little sad to think of how quickly he is growing up and how much I am missing every day.

Someone tell me this gets easier!

Four Months Old

My baby turned 4 big months old on Saturday August 6th.  I really can't believe how fast these four months have gone by!  He now weighs 14 lbs 6 oz (38%), 26.5" long (85+%), and has a head circumference of 16.5" (40%).  At the pediatrician he had to have two shots and screamed bloody murder for about 30 seconds for each one.  Even though I know they are good for him and mentally prepared myself for the crying, that pitiful sound and look of shock and surprise on his face as something "bit" him made my stomach churn and my arms instinctively reach out to sweep him up and hug him tight to my chest. Fortunately, he stopped crying as soon as I picked him up, but evidentally that short time was very tiring!  He slept for most of the rest of the day after we got home.

We "celebrated" his four month birthday with a visit from Lolo, Momo and Popo.  As usual, they completely ignored him the entire time.  Maybe one day when he's cuter they'll give him a little more attention.

Nathan is doing pretty well at school, however, he isn't eating enough each day and hadn't gained any weight since starting.  Since then we have tried a few different formulas and he seems to like the Gerber GoodStart. He's still a little finicky with taking his bottles, but I think it is mostly because he is stretching out his feedings and we are trying to feed him too early.  Regardless, it seems like worrying about his eating habits is one of my constant occupations right now. I will be so relieved when he just EATS!

My sweet smiling boy is growing and changing so much every day.  He is an incredibly happy baby and you can't help but smile back at that sweet face.  The joy he brings me is amazing and makes it really hard to leave him at school every day. I've always known that I would enjoy being a mother, but I don't think I was prepared for that overwhelming feeling I get each time I pick up and hug my precious angel.  I can't wait until he starts hugging back! In the last week alone he's really started reaching, grabbing, pulling and noticing everything.  He especially like to try and see the TV, which is why we keep it off most of the time!

Nathan is starting to express his views with lots of "talking."  He will look right at you and very seriously start telling you all about his day and how much he loves you. During their visit he talked to Popo a lot...telling stories on mommy and daddy most likely.  Good thing we can't understand anything yet! Now that he is getting bigger we are starting to introduce potential "lovies" to him as comfort objects.  One of his new friends is his rabbit blanket (the Nutbrown Hare from the story Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney)

He is still not sleeping through the night but is napping plenty at school.  Getting up in the middle of the night is still really hard, but after nursing him and putting him up on my shoulder to burp him, I find myself wanting to hold on to that heavy sleepy bundle for hours.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I need to get more sleep and take my cheek away from his and lay him gently back down in his crib.  Those still quiet times at 2am remind me that my baby needs me and feels completely safe and secure with me which makes my heart swell with love. There's just something about holding a sleeping baby, no matter how sleepy you are yourself.

Along with being more alert, Nathan very much wants to be my big helping boy! He wants to be in my lap watching everything and helping with everything.  This was us getting ready to go to a baby shower for cousin Jill.  He decided his boucner was not close enough to the action and wanted to sit with Mommy.  As you can see, he was very happy with how the situation turned out for him!

As far as other milestones go, Nathan is sitting up on his own in the Bumbo chair and even pulls up on our arms and hands to get himself in a sitting position in our laps. Dr. Haney says he's doing really well for his age even though he is still not rolling over yet.

My biggest boy, you make me so very very happy.  Every day is joyful, even the hard ones where one or the both of us are tired and grumpy.  You bring so much light into our life with your smiling face and bright loving eyes.  I can't wait to see how you continue to grow and change over the next few months and years.  I hope you always know your Mommy loves you biggest bunches and only wants the best for my precious boy!

First Day of "School"

So, let's get it out of the way.  Yes, I cried when I left my baby (but only a little).  Yes, Jimmy did too.  Yes, Nathan was perfectly fine.  Yes, I only lasted about half the day and picked him up at 12:30pm.  Yes, I took him back the next day  (reluctantly).

Monday, July 25th was Nathan's first day of school. Our morning started out like most mornings...except that it started at 5:30am instead of 6:30am.  I guess Nathan was super excited about his first day of school!  He was happily awake in his crib as usual and gave me lots of "good morning smiles" when I went in to get him up. We sang the Good Morning Nathaniel song and the I Love Nathan song (both of which I made up soon after he was born) while getting a dry bottom.  I went ahead and gave him his "breakfast" and tried through the half-awake sleep haze to relish the few minutes when I get my sweet angel all to myself to snuggle up against me.  As much as I hated breastfeeding in the beginning (and I hated it a lot), I love it so much now and am reluctant to give it up during the day.  Pumping can never be the same as having your baby nestled up against you peacefully nursing away with eyes half closed and his little hand brushing rhythmically up and down your chest or clenching your shirt.  Mornings are my favorite time with him because he is always such a happy smiling baby and usually we take a leisurely approach to the morning and sit in the rocker and have Good Morning snacks, Good Morning books, Good Morning hugs and more Good Morning songs (are you sensing a theme here?) until it is time for his first morning nap.  Even if we had an awful night the evening before, our morning time is special and I like to think he enjoyed it as much as I did.  Here's a picture of Nathan sporting his "morning-after-a-bath-and-mommy didn't do so hot with the brush" hair.  If his Big Dad (my dad) were here he'd say, "He worked on it all night!"  And because I don't believe in putting gel in my 3 month old's hair...yes, he went to school like that!

After I got Nathan dressed in his cute blue dinosaur romper I went about getting myself ready for the day with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that had nothing to do with the cold Nathan shared with me. I was dreading having to drive the 3 minutes to Primrose and ::gulp:: leave my baby with strangers! Of course Nathan spit up on his shirt as soon as I put him in his bouncer, but it wasn't very much and I figured he could go to school in a one-spit-up shirt (silly Mommy).  I managed to get myself pulled together in fairly short order and finished packing Nathan's bag while Jimmy held and talked to him. Let the record show that Jimmy may have had a harder time with Nathan's first day of school than me and the jury is out on whether he would have actually ever left the daycare had he been the one to drop off our baby.

I have never had a harder time putting my sweet boy into his car seat.  Not because he was being squirmy or bad, but because I wanted him to be glued in my arms forever!  At this point I'm working double time to keep the tears back but am putting on a brave front so Daddy will feel better.  I'm trying to be very matter-of-fact about the whole morning.  Well, no sooner than I put Nathan in his car seat does he spit up again (this time a bit more than the first time). ::SIGH:: Nathaniel!!! So out he comes and into a new blue and yellow romper because I can't send him to school smelly in a two-spit-up shirt!  Eventually we all make it into the car and drive off to school.  As I mentioned before, the Primrose is literally less than 3 minutes away from the house.  I stayed with Nathan for about an hour this first morning and nursed him right before I left (mainly because I was certain he wouldn't eat anything the whole time he was there).  I was hoping he would go to sleep (since it was first morning nap time) but of course he was in a new place and had to look around at everything.  Because he was tired he was getting bothered by all the noise, but when I put him down in a bouncer he gave me smiles and I knew he would be okay. 

I finally dragged myself out the door of the infant room and, oh no, here come the water works!  ::Commence fanning with enrollment paperwork while walking to the desk to pay tuition::  I really almost lost it right there in the hall, but another mommy walking down the hall made me straighten up (hate crying in front of strangers). It turns out that writing a huge check really takes the edge off the sadness.  You start thinking, "Well, he'd better love it here!!" On the drive home I tried to just think about the work I had waiting for me at home and consoled myself that I would be going back to pick him up in 4 hours.  Not so long, right?

The morning went by pretty quickly and I think I only called up to the school once to check on him.  I was very happy to hear that he was napping but not so happy that he didn't take his morning bottle.  Not that I was surprised...he had been refusing bottles from us for several weeks already.  But that sick feeling came back to my stomach as I imagined my baby, my baby, crying and going hungry and wanting his mommy.  It makes me tear up now just thinking about it again!  Thankfully I stuck to my original plan of leaving him until 12:30pm and was so excited to hear when I got to the school that he had actually taken 3 ounces of formula from them!  Hallelujah!!  He was sleeping peacefully when I walked into the room and I got those warm mommy feelings as I looked down at him in his crib.  He held on tight to me when I picked him up and my heart melted a little more.

The afternoon at home was pretty uneventful.  Nathan took a 2 hour nap while I continued to work at the kitchen table. He must have had a hard day playing!

Later that evening we discovered once again that his little tummy doesn't do formula so well as he threw up onto himself and me.  Luckily it wasn't the full emptying of the stomach that we got the last time he had formula and he was fine for the rest of the night.  He also had a rash around his mouth that may have been from the formula...not sure. So now I am re-resolved to pump for him for as long as I can.  I had originally said I was going to only nurse him in the morning and evening and let him have formula at school, but I am not ready for a formula trial-and-error session involving my baby throwing up every day until we get it right.  So, mommy's milk it is for now!  All in all it was a pretty good day and we enjoyed having our happy smiling boy back at home.  Here he is in his third outfit of the day before it was time for bed and sweet dreams.

Just the facts, ma'am.

After reading several friends' blog postings today, I've decided that mine are decidedly boring (p.s. I always feel slightly like a stalker when getting caught up on someones personal life, even if they are a friend).  I thought about this for a while and determined that my postings are akin to a police report...the facts and circumstances are there, but there is no emotion!  Now, my husband will be the first to tell you that I am a very emotional person (example, I almost always cry when seeing someone get engaged...even the Kay Jewelers commercials) so I found it odd that my own musings are so devoid of emotive adjectives.  I have a wide vocabulary and am not afraid to use it - especially when telling stories.  Furthermore, I've just had a baby, and I can't think of a more emotional time in my life...talk about a roller coaster (poor Jimmy).

I decided that my apparent penchant for recording just the relevant facts and associated circumstances is a byproduct of being an auditor. "Why is that?" you say?  Well, a little known fact about auditors is that they all secretly wanted to major in English instead of Accounting. "Really?"  No, not really.  However, I find that I do far far more writing as an auditor than I ever imagined (with no hints from the professorial staff at Texas A&M...thanks a lot!).  There are process narratives, technical memos, non-technical memos, review notes, responses to review notes...the list goes on and on.  Basically, my entire day consists of observing things and writing down those observations for posterity (okay, maybe just the SEC).  To make matters worse, the observations come after looking at schedules full of numbers.  You ask, "How much can you say about numbers?"  Surprisingly, quite a bit!  But what you don't say about numbers is how they make you feel.  I don't remember the last time I got warm fuzzies when writing or reading a memo at work.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have a LOT of feelings about what I do, my clients, the schedules they give me, the endless meetings I get to attend (hear that...get to attend...so funny!) but I can't exactly go putting those feelings on paper at work.  Most of them are good feelings, but I'll admit that between the hours of 10:00pm and Midnight (or later) those feelings start to get less positive.  Right now most of my feelings about work revolve around going back after 17 weeks of maternity leave (side note - EY has fabulous benefits for women).  After being "out of the loop" for so long I am worried about going back and getting back in the swing of things (p.s. I am a worrier...I know...I see your shocked face).  Obviously, my approach to work will not and can never be the same now that Mr. Nathaniel is in my life.  Before him, I am ashamed to say that work came a very close second after my marriage and frequently took first place in my life - usually for the months of January through the end of April when my two clients filed their reports with the SEC.  The only real positive that came from this is that I have consistently been a high performer and am compensated accordingly.  I am able to comfortably support my family while Jimmy finishes getting his PhD.  This is not to say that we are rolling around in beds of money, but I at least don't have to check the bank account before going to the grocery store...at least not very often : )

I'm sure that in the coming weeks I'll have quite a bit to say about being a working mommy in a suburb full of stay-at-home moms (not statistically true I'm sure, but it feels like it sometimes).  Feelings of inadequacy as a mother and jealousy toward the moms who get to be primary caregiver conflicting with the fulfillment of working at a job I love (75% of the time) and reminding myself that I never really wanted to be a full-time homemaker. It's amazing what a baby does to your life and priorities.  Anyway, all this to say that in my coming posts I'll put every effort into filling in the facts of my life with the related emotions!

Snuffles and Sneezes!!

Tools of the trade

Well, it finally happened.  Nathan is sick. We almost made it 4 whole months before he got his first stuffy nose, which I consider to be quite an accomplishment considering he's been to play groups, church, bible study, South Texas and Austin in his short life.  I first noticed the snuffling Tuesday night and we happened to have an appointment with Dr. Haney the next morning for an unrelated issue so I wasn't too worried.  The pediatrician says it is probably just a summer cold and to use saline drops to help flush the mucus down.  The mucus is mostly running down the back of his throat, so the nasal aspirator (read: snot bulb) is not very effective, but I give it a go every so often.  He takes it like a champ although he usually doesn't appreciate the saline drops (probably because he has to lay still for a minute after he gets them!). I think they are helping though, so we keep doing them every couple of hours.  He isn't running a fever so far (hooray)!

In an effort for both of us to get a better night's sleep I spent the night in Nathan's room on an air mattress last night. Laying there with my eyes closed listening to his snorting, sneezing, coughing and gurgling was preferable to laying in my own bed watching the baby monitor all night (plus, my New Mommy Handbook says to sleep with your baby the first time they get sick...so there).  I felt surprisingly rested this morning althought it is obvious Nathan didn't sleep very well because he has been napping more than usual today.  Thankfully this happened before I went back to work. Hopefully it will all pass soon!

Best Friends!

Rylan, Nathan and Kylee

Nathan's two best friends these days are Kylee Blair and Rylan Kemp.  Rylan (belonging to Lela and Kellen) was born 5 weeks before Nathan and Miss Kylee (belonging to Natalie and Sean) was born the day after Nathan.  Kylee was about 7 weeks premature but she is catching right up to the boys.  The mommys enjoy getting together for "play dates" - otherwise known as lunch - usually once a week if we can manage it.  I am really going to miss our special time together when I go back to work!

The girls came over to the house today to enjoy some veggie tacos and mommy time.  The visit was a little rough at first since Mr. Nathaniel didn't get his nap out before they arrived and was a big time fuss-budget until I got finished making lunch.  Rylan thought Nathan's crying was pretty funny, but I was glad when it stopped! Thankfully Lela is a veteran super mommy and was able to comfort her daughter Jacey while holding both Rylan and Nathan.  I should have gotten a picture of that - she had her arms full of baby!  They get so big so fast!  Rylan is around 16 lbs, Nathan weighs just at 15 lbs and Kylee is about 12 lbs if you can believe it. I hope the three of them stay close as they keep growing up!

Here are some pictures of the kids from their very first play date at Natalie's house on May 27th.